Failed Birth Plan and Emotional Recovery

Failed Birth Plan and Emotional Recovery

Our twins turned six this past weekend. Can’t believe my little babies will be graduating Kindergarten in less than a week. As always I wonder where did the time go?

It seems like only yesterday that we came home from the hospital with two tiny babies nicely bundled like burritos and now they are already six! Those days were long, kinda blurry. I was a sleep-deprived mom juggling between newborn twins and my preschooler.

I was ecstatic and over the moon to be holding my twin bundles of joy. Yet, I was sad with the pain of a failed birthing plan. Like many mums-to-be, I dreamed of having a natural delivery.

Birth Plan that didn’t work as planned

I had a wonderful birthing experience with my older one and expected the same with twins as well. In spite of having carried my twins’ full term without any complications, I ended up having an emergency C-Section.

Things were going well as planned. I reached the hospital on time, my contractions were steadily increasing, my doctor assured that I would deliver in a couple of hours. But within a few minutes, things turned upside down. My doctor sensed something serious and I was rushed to the operation theatre.

I was in utter shock and all I needed at that time was to save my babies. I couldn’t believe that a smooth full-term pregnancy ended up in an emergency C-Section.

Though I was extremely grateful for my healthy babies, I carried the sorrow of a failed natural birth. I was aware of the post-partum depression that new moms face, but I couldn’t understand if this emotional pain of failed birthing plan was actually depression.

I never revealed to anyone about my emotional pain of having had an emergency C-Section, yet every single person that came to meet us made sure that they said something like this – “Oh so sorry to hear about your C-Section, but you should be grateful for your healthy babies!”.

I was nursing the emotional pain of a failed birthing plan and hearing people say that I should not feel bad about it and be grateful instead was like adding shame and guilt to the pain.

Words can’t describe how grateful I was for having my twins babies. C-Section or natural delivery, every mother wants her baby to be safe and healthy. She will do anything for the safety of her child.

They say that it takes a village to raise a child. Unfortunately, in this modern world, new moms barely get any help both physically and emotionally. Like most moms, I spent my time browsing mother/baby forums asking questions and seeking help from fellow moms. It was in one those forums that I accidentally stumbled on a thread about how to emotionally recover when your birthing plan fails.

Failed Birth Plan and Emotional Recovery

I was glad that I came across the thread dedicated to moms like me who couldn’t have a natural birthing experience. One mom’s response hit the hammer on the nail.

A flower with the text - how to emotionally recover after a failed birth plan

This is what she had to say – Acknowledge the pain, feel the loss and get over it. I needed to hear that and it brought a huge sense of relief to me.

Mental health bloggers always insist that it is important to acknowledge the issue we face. Admitting the pain is the first step in any recovery process. In case you didn’t know, there is an equation to pain and suffering –

Pain * Resistance = Suffering

I gave myself permission to accept that I didn’t like the c-section that I had undergone. I felt it was ok for me to feel the pain of a failed birth plan instead of masking it with gratitude. I cried. I admitted the pain without resisting it.

Crying doesn’t solve any problem but it did help me feel my emotional pain wash over me. I acknowledged, felt the pain and eventually got it over.

By the time the physical scars of the c-section healed, I was on my way to emotional recovery as well. Not to forget time is the best healer!

Today, six years later I don’t even bother about the failed birth plan or the emergency c-section. All I care is to spend quality time with my kids before they leave the nest and be a mom that they would love forever.

Thank you so much for reading through my emotional recovery after a failed birthing plan. Did you experience a failed birth plan? How did you cope with the pain? Please share your thoughts in the comments section. Your ideas can help a fellow mom.

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